


Beneath The Cold Moon

by Violet Lunar Wolf (Dragon_MoonX)



Category: No Fandom
Genre: Characters Based on Myself and Other Fanfic Writers, Gen, Inside jokes, Original Character(s), Parody, Self-Insert
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-19
Updated: 2018-01-19
Packaged: 2019-03-06 17:23:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,115
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13416012
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dragon_MoonX/pseuds/Violet%20Lunar%20Wolf
Summary: It began innocently enough, a simple game of ring toss played with a Christmas wreath and pink, plastic flamingo. But none of them ever imagined that this innocent looking object carried a curse, or that souls could also be recycled when the body they inhabitanted ceased to exist.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This story is dedicated to all my friends on Caesar's Palace.

It began innocently enough, a simple game of ring toss played with a Christmas wreath and pink, plastic flamingo. The children laughed, thinking it was fun to take this faded lawn ornament and spend Christmas Eve tossing a wreath around its neck. They recycle everything nowadays, don't they? But none of them ever imagined that this innocent looking object carried a curse, or that souls could also be recycled when the body they inhabitanted ceased to exist.

And then they saw it, a faint twitch, a sign, and whispers filled the air. It didn't just move, did it? No, of course not.

"That's not possible," said Poke. "You're probably just imagining things."

"Go home, April," the bee fairy buzzed. "You're drunk."

"I am not!" slurred the Spam Queen as she smacked the poor bee with a fly swatter.

Later that night when everyone in the palace had gone to sleep, a lone shadow crept across the snow covered earth, moving swiftly through the night as it escaped into the village.

It was the perfect disguise; the harmless lawn ornament, with a wreath around its neck and tinsel dangling from the cedar branches. And although he looked a little silly stalking his victims with an ornate wreath around his neck, he preferred it this way, because the strong scent of cedar helped mask the smell of death.

In the morning when the sun rose over the village, pieces of the wreath could be found scattered across the snow, the delicate ice crystals merging with flecks of green and spots of red. Such pristine beauty, shattered by the scarlet stains that soaked into the ground. And there in the snow was a trail of footprints leading away from the mutilated corpse they found rotting in the bleak winter sunshine, footprints that resembled those of a bird.

Was this someone's idea of a joke? Who in their right might would go through the trouble of pinning a murder on a plastic lawn ornament? Because that thing was always there, drenched in blood and lying on its side in the snow. If they looked closer they might have seen the smile on his face, or noticed the mad glint in his eyes that said, "You're next."


	2. Chapter 2

By now you're probably wondering how this vicious, pink killing machine came to be. It began long ago when a demented dranine crawled out of her cave, saliva dripping from her fangs as she sniffed the air and howled. She could smell it in the air, the scent of holly and eggnog, and if she listened carefully she could hear the sound of Christmas carols drifting on the wind.

The noise hurt her ears and made her howl in pain. Her insides twisted in a knot, and for a minute she thought she was going to be sick. It had to stop. She had to silence that horrendous noise. And the best way to do that was to summon a beast that craved human flesh. People can't sing if their throats are torn out, now can they?

The dranine spread her wings, snarling as the fur ruffled along the nape of her neck. Christmas, the absolute worst time of the year. With a little help she'd silence their voices once and for all.

"Snek," said Dragon. "I need to summon the Snek Queen. If anyone can work their magic and put a stop to this it's her."

She returned to her cave and started digging through a pile of treasure, looking for the shard of magicite that would summon the snek. Her claws scraped against mounds of silver, gold, skulls and gems that had accumulated over the last few years. She ducked when a random treasure dragon flew out from under a pile of gems, cursing under her breath as its silver scaled sister chased after it.

The baby dragons rose towards the ceiling, playfully nipping at each other's wings and tails before exiting the cave. These dragons had been hibernating in her cave, and only woke up when someone disturbed the pile of gold they lived in.

Dragon continued digging through the treasure until she came across a gemstone that resembled a black diamond. Her jaws closed around the enchanted gemstone and she carried it outside, where she set it on the ground then placed her paw atop the darkened shard of magicite. She closed her eyes, concentrating on the image of the Snek Queen, and sure enough Lamia materialized in front of her.

"Snek," said Dragon, bowing her head out of respect for her fellow dark queen. "I am in need of your assistance. The humans have begun their festive celebrations, and I feel that if we worked together we could put a stop to this."

Lamia lounged on the grass beside her, uncoiling her long, serpentine body and stretching out in the moonlight. "Snek lazy," she said, yawning and flopping over onto her back. "Snek only help if you make me foods."

Dragon sighed. "Tunaroni again?"

"No. Snek want pizza rolls." She sat up and mimed holding a large mound of invisible food. "Like this. Big pile of snek foods."

"Fine."

Dragon retreated into the cave, returning a few minutes later with a big plate of pizza rolls. She set the plate on the ground next to Lamia, then began gathering the ingredients she would need for the ritual.

She levitated a cauldron out onto the grass, then raised her paw and caught the jars that came soaring through the mouth of the cave. Lamia cocked her head to the side, giving her a curious look, and asked how she was able to catch and open jars using only her paws.

"It's a trick I learned from Cluny the Scourge," said Dragon, grinning as she opened a jar of moon water and emptied it into the cauldron. She then added a can of spam and a jar of putrefied organs, giggling as the bloody mass hit the water with a splash. She licked the drops of blood off her cheek, savoring the taste of rancid flesh that clung to her silvery fur. "Flesh of the servant, willingly given, you will resurrect the Dark One."

Lamia leaned over the cauldron, trying to get a better look at the guts floating in the water. "Aw hell no!" she exclaimed when she realized what they were.

Dragon laughed, her pink tongue lolling from the side of her mouth. "Well, it's not like Draconius had any use for them." She then called for her bone dragon to join them during the ritual.

Mr. Bones, her one and only bone dragon, clambered out of the cave, his skeletal frame rattling as a steady stream of gold coins spilled through the spaces between his ribs. His claws scraped against the cold, hard earth, smoke issuing from his nostrils as he lifted his head and roared.

"Good dragong," the demented dranine cooed. She held up a fruitcake, using it to lure the dragon over to the cauldron. "Come here, baby. Mommy has a treat for you."

Much to Lamia's surprise the bony dragon went running towards his master like a puppy. He plopped himself down beside the cauldron, eating the fruitcake while Dragon reached inside his chest and plucked out a rib.

"Bone of the familiar, unknowingly given, you will resurrect the Dark One."

She dropped the bone in the cauldron then turned to Lamia. "You have the last ingredient that I need. The blood of human larva."

"Hmm?" Lamia looked up from stuffing pizza rolls in her face hole. She reached up and caressed the vial of blood that was attached to the silver chain she wore around her neck. "Snek could give it to you," she said, a wicked smile curling the corners of her lips. "But snek likes using this as a dipping sauce for ptrexels, and snek is out of chili dip."

"I can make you some chili dip if you want. But it'll have to wait until after we finish the ritual."

Lamia thought about it for a moment, trying to decide if it was worth it to give up her last remaining vial of blood. Dragon could tell that she was having a difficult time parting with the delicious substance, so she took a step forward and said, "If we complete the ritual, there will be more larval blood for you to feast on. The Dark One will serve us, and we can make him preserve their blood for our dining pleasure."

"Alright. But I get first dibs on the larval blood."

Lamia removed the cork from the vial around her neck and handed it to Dragon.

"Blood of the enemy, forcibly taken, you will resurrect your foe." Dragon poured the blood into the cauldron, then ordered Mr. Bones to retrieve the final ingredient for the ritual: a plastic lawn ornament that resembled a pink flamingo.

The bone dragon returned a short time later carrying the lawn ornament in his jaws. He presented it to his master, laying it at her feet then taking a step back, watching and waiting to see what happened next.

The air was heavy with anticipation. All eyes were on Dragon as she lowered the ornament into the cauldron, then quickly jumped back as the liquid in the cauldron turned pink and began moving and churning like a swirling torrent of magma. A thick plume of smoke rose from the surface of the bubbling liquid, creating a haze of noxious fumes that reeked of sulfur and burnt spam.

Dragon backed away, coughing and fanning the air in front of her, but Lamia stayed put, smiling as she inhaled the fumes.

"Snek smells skunk," said the dark queen. She breathed in deep, relishing the horrific stench that wafted from the cauldron. She was just about to dip her hand into the cauldron and dab a little of the rancid mixture on her neck as perfume when she saw movement beneath the surface of the water. A smile lit her face as a pair of red, glowing eyes became visible beneath the pink froth that had formed on the water.

Dragon's wicked laughter filled the air, carrying on the wind as the lawn ornament came to life. She threw her head back, howling with joy as the earth shook beneath her paws. The flames beneath the cauldron grew higher, with cracks running along the surface of the cast iron material. The cracks split open as the pink flamingo burst from the cauldron, spilling bloody water out onto the grass.

"There he is, Lamia. The Dark One who will bring about the second coming of Halloween." Dragon stepped into the moonlight, her fangs bared in a vicious grin. "I shall call him Roo."


	3. Chapter 3

Dragon and Lamia unleashed the monstrous beast upon the village far below, the mad dranine cackling as she thought of the many carolers and children Roo would devour. She had no problem scavenging the remains like a vulture, picking apart the rotting corpses and gnawing on the choice bits. Just dab a bit of yogurt on top and a dash of oregano and you've got yourself a five star dining experience.

The pink flamingo moved swiftly over the wet grass, his wings outstretched as he prepared to take off. The wreath around his neck swayed in time with the rhythm of his wings, the dangling tinsel gleaming in the moonlight. Some ignorant children gazing out their bedroom window saw the crimson flash in the starry skies above and mistook it for Rudolph the red nosed reindeer. Their screeching voices cut through the silence of what had been an otherwise calm and pleasant evening, informing their parents that Santa was on the way. They didn't realize that death was just a step away, waiting outside their door for them to go to sleep.

Roo waited until it was quiet before sneaking down the chimney. He landed with a soft thump amid charred pieces of firewood, coughing and spluttering as a cloud of soot and ash arose from the fireplace. The murderous lawn ornament fluffed his feathers, looking thoroughly annoyed at having landed in a filthy ash hole. And to make matters worse it smelled like some low life artist had taken a piss in there.

He climbed out of the fireplace and crept upstairs, his shadow moving slowly across the wall as he entered the children's bedroom. They looked so sweet, so tender and juicy, lying there together with the smaller of the two children nestled in his sister's arms.

Roo licked his beak, his face illuminated by the sliver of moonlight that shone through the gap in the curtains. One shadow became two, merging with that of the oldest child as he leapt onto the bed, blood splattering the walls as he slashed at her throat with his talons. The little boy screamed when he saw his sister being brutally murdered by the pink flamingo. In his haste to escape the nightmarish entity he slipped and tumbled out of bed, his body tangled in layer upon layer of bedsheets.

The boy struggled to free himself, kicking and writhing as the flamingo closed in. Roo moved closer towards the side of the bed, looking down his beak at the helpless creature. His eyes narrowed as he lowered his head, opening his beak and hissing at the child. He lunged at the boy, feathers flying in all directions as he shredded the child's face with his talons.

After a moment the child became still, his bedsheets soaked in a generous portion of blood. Roo stood over the lifeless child, his head bowed as he nibbled the ragged strips of flesh that had become tangled in the child's hair. He took his time, carefully plucking choice bits of meat from the blond strands. But it didn't stop there, because once he'd eaten his fill of the little boy he hopped onto the bed and started eating the boy's sister.

By morning the village was silent, with no Christmas carols drifting up into the mountains. No one wanted to sing songs of joy when half the village was mourning the loss of their children. It was a serious problem, one they couldn't solve on their own, and every morning more and more of the village's children were found dead in their beds. They needed someone strong and dependable that could capture this menace and remove it from their town, so they called in Hazmat with her army of snabbits, and Mags who was armed with a high powered potato gun.

Hazmat was first to arrive, followed closely by a team of one hundred hissing, hopping hybrids. These creatures were highly intelligent, with the legs and head of a rabbit and the body of a snake. She controlled these strangely cute companions like the Pied Piper, leading the half-reptiles into town and ordering them to guard the houses. The security snabbits watched over the people night and day, keeping a lookout for any sign of the bloody thirsty lawn ornament.

It was half past one in the morning when the snabbits alerted them to danger, hissing and shaking the rattles in their fluffy tails. They'd caught sight of something lurking in the shadows, and were about to move in and investigate when they were abushed from behind, the flamingo sinking its talons into the sabbit's back and snapping its neck with one quick twist of his beak.

The remaining snabbits hissed and bared their fangs, circling the flamingo as their fallen comrade twitched and thrashed on the ground. Roo spread his wings, blood dripping from his beak as he threw his head back and released an unearthly howl that summoned lightning from the skies. The demonic bird had reached his limit and was ready to go to war with these bizarre creatures.

The snabbits charged at him, biting his ankles and climbing onto his back. Roo squawked and tried to fight them off, but his efforts were in vain as the massive swarm of snabbits overwhelmed him. He started flapping his wings, craning his neck and snapping at the snabbit that had settled on his back, but the tenacious hybrid refused to budge. The snabbit sunk its fangs into Roo's shoulder, causing the great bird to leap nearly a foot in the air. He started running in circles, the snabbit riding him around like a horse as he screeched and squawked.

This was the scene when Mags and Hazmat arrived. They stood there for a full minute, staring in disbelief at the snabbit who had chosen to hitch a ride on the back of the killer flamingo.

"This is the thing that's been terrorizing the village?" said Hazmat.

Mags looked at her and shrugged, then raised her potato gun and took aim at Roo. But the flamingo wouldn't hold still. He kept running in circles and trying to shake the stubborn snabbit off his back, making it difficult for her to shoot the rampaging bird.

She took aim and fired and Roo, missing him by several feet and startling the snabbit that was clinging to his back. The snabbit hit the ground with a plop, hopping away so as not to get mauled by Roo. The flamingo turned on her, his eyes blazing with furious anger as he lowered his head and charged at her. But this time Mags had better luck, firing off another potato that got wedged between Roo's jaws as he opened his beak and tried snapping at her.

Hazmat burst out laughing at the sight of the flamingo choking on a potato, but her laughter was short lived when Roo spit out the offending spud and launched himself into the air. He flew at Mags, pecking at her hand until he forced her to drop her weapon, then severed her fingers with a single bite. He was determined to stop her from fighting back with that potato shooting missile launcher, however the loss of three fingers didn't stop her from picking up the oversized weapon and bashing him in the head with it.

Roo stumbled and staggered sideways, his sight swimming as he fought to remain conscious. He was bleeding from over a dozen snabbit bites, with scarlet ribbons trickling down his legs and soaking into the ground. Perhaps it was best to quit while he was ahead, or else this young lady would knock his head off his shoulders.

The flamingo took the skies, escaping the wrath of Mags and her potato gun. He returned to the mountains from whence he came, lying in wait until next Christmas when he would again be woken from his slumber and set out to wreak havoc upon the earth.


End file.
